


I'll be holding you

by ALiteraryLady



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/F, Lesbian lovers here and there, Long distance love and romance, emotional understanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-08 18:28:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7768498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALiteraryLady/pseuds/ALiteraryLady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A throwback to post Cabot being the ADA on the show but before Novak came. A slice of life romance that grants us a moment to enjoy Cabenson.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll be holding you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flipflop_diva](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flipflop_diva/gifts).



 

Traffic noises and the scattered sentences of the overnight force were winding down to a close as Liv heard the footsteps creeping towards her desk. Her mind was attempting to prepare for her flight; she was doing everything to get out of here right after juggling a half dozen cases with Elliot for what felt like weeks upon weeks. She brushed aside the exhaustion as she started to pack her bags and she sat her pen down as Fin cleared his throat.

“Leaving so soon?” Fin joked as she finished packing up her bags to head out. With two open rape cases wrapped up this week, Cragen was more than willing to grant her leave so she could take Alex up on her offer.

 

_“Come out and visit Liv...I’ve missed you...”_

 

Alex’s words echoed in her head as Fin coughed. Liv tried to swipe the plane ticket laying in plain view on her desk but Fin lifted it up before she could get to it, studying it with his eyes.

“Utah, huh?” Fin eyed her over the plain ticket. While her and Alex never hid their friendship from the squad before her faked death, Liv protected their relationship fiercely. Even when Elliot had brought up that her and Alex could have been a cute couple, Liv bit her tongue and didn’t take the bait. She lifted the ticket out of Fin’s hands as she answered him.

“Just visiting a cousin of mine for a few days. Cragen granted me some leave time and I figured I’d take him up on it. They are relatives on my mom’s side of the family-”

“-Just have a good time Liv, you need a break.” Fin smiled at her as she stood up and threw her bags on her shoulders.

“Thanks, you too.” she patted his shoulder and walked out of the precinct, smiling.

 

While Utah in May wasn’t as warm as New York, the soft yet cool evening breeze greeted Liv as she walked through the small, outdoor garden area next to the airport. She had taken a coffee break from waiting for Alex to arrive and with the coffee gone she walked back inside the airport to resume her search. Utah didn’t have the glamour of New York, Liv knew that much from the brief calls she got from Alex over the last few months, but the slower pace and taciturn innocence, she could see the appeal of living out here. Alex hated it; she had told her over the phone numerous times she wished she could smell the air, even when the spoiled garbage danced in it, she’d be grateful for the scent. She wanted to take Liv to fancy legal dinners and hold her hand in public and then take her home and love her, tenderly and throughout the night.

Liv hated not having her a few blocks away, but until the threats against her life were eliminated, her beloved was stuck out here.

_Here._

Here.

“Here!”

Liv shook her head as she registered Alex’s voice. She turned her head right and saw her. The smile on Alex’s face was megawatt—so bright and vibrant that it welcomed Liv. Both women embraced for a few moments, allowing the reality of their moment to register in their minds.

“I’ve missed you!” Alex cried as Liv rested her forehead on Alex’s nose, “You smell fantastic, new shampoo?” she teased as Liv looked up at her. Alex had always been beautiful, the classic sort of beauty that magazines peddled to women to achieve, but once they had dates, it was beyond merely physical with her. Alex’s beauty blossomed from her soul and allowed her skin to expose it to the average person’s eyes.

Liv shook her head, “No same old stuff, but--” she caught herself as she saw the subtle smile mold onto Alex’s face, “-lets get home, to your place I mean.” She went to reach for Alex’s hand but her dearest pulled back, the light in her eyes softening.

“Liv...it’s Utah...” Alex solemnly stated as she gave Liv that look, the one she had used on her long before they had started dating.

Liv grabbed her suitcase, “Right.”

Both women walked out of the airport in a disjointed silence.

 

 

Walking into Alex’s home was surreal to Liv, who took in the finery and let out a small gasp. For what Liv wagered she paid for her one bedroom apartment, Alex got an entire house fully furnished. The glass chandelier in the dining room reflected the warm lighting in the room and Liv felt Alex’s body press against her own.

“Sorry about what happened in the airport. The witness protection program doesn’t have many—no scratch that—any provisions for LGBTQIA community, so Utah it was.”

Liv felt Alex’s chin rest on her shoulder and rested her hands on top of her lover’s.

“I understand, I just wish--” Liv caught herself as she felt Alex nuzzle against her, the tenderness of her love vibrating throughout her body.

“-Liv” Alex whispered as Liv felt those soft, plump pink lips kiss her jawline, “-I know...I know the struggle every day, I-”

Liv nodded, her eyes welling up with tears, “-it’s so hard some days without you and the hiding...that’s the worst. I know the rest of the squad wouldn’t care, I, I know-”

Alex’s head rested against her own as she continued,

“I know they wouldn’t. Fin would be completely indifferent, El, well, El can deal and Munch, heh,” Liv chuckled, “I’ll be fielding questions from him for years Alex.”

Both women enjoyed the reprieve from their tormented separation and held each other as they laughed. Liv could smell Alex’s perfume and closed her eyes, savoring the rose and bergamot scent as she felt Alex’s slim fingers undo the top button of her blouse.

“How about a nice bath, then a glass of….cider, heh.” Alex chuckle brought another smile to Liv’s face as she turned her head to look at her.

“I’ll take you up on the bath, to start.” Liv purred as Alex gently stepped back.

“Alright,” Alex attempted to command her, her hands on her hips, “I’ll get a bath started but, we have to share, I don’t have two tubs upstairs you know.”

Liv playfully rolled her eyes, “You know, in New York, we’d each have our own tub.”

“I know, I know, Utah is backwards but you have to admit you get way more house for your buck out here.”

“I can’t argue that--” Liv’s statement was silence by Alex’s painted lips pressing against hers.

Alex’s face bloomed with a smirk as she ran her thumb over Liv’s lips, “then don’t.”

Her lover turned away from her and dropped her blouse, her body sashaying towards the stairs, “and get naked. I own this whole house.”

Liv laughed, “Sure thing.”

Her clothes flew off her body faster than she could have anticipated as she made her way towards the stairs to follow Alex.

 

 

Liv made her way to the bathroom and pressed her ear on the door. Sounds of water running soothed her. She focused her attention and heard Alex’s soft moan and water splash as she visualized her lover’s lithe nude form sinking into the tub.

“You gonna lean against the door or get in here with me?” Alex cooed as Liv opened the door. Her nose was spanked with a strong lavender scent and she saw the mountain of bubbles Alex’s head was peeking out of.

“I see you and the body shop have become best friends.” Liv commented as Alex cocked her head to the side.

“The body shop wants me to tell you to get in here.” she rebutted as she hand appeared from the bubbles and pointed down at her.

“Well, no need to make waste with this lavender bubble bath.” Liv smiled as she walked over to the tub and stepped in. Alex’s body beneath hers was a sensory treat she’d been forsaken of for too long.

Alex sighed, “This, this is what Utah was missing--”

Liv tilted her head back, “Two sapphic lovers in a lavender smelling mountain of bubbles?”

The hearty laugh from Alex put a pause on their months of separation, as if the time itself hadn’t wedged between them, ripping Alex away from her.

“Yes, lesbian lavender scented bubble baths...” Alex splashed her with water, “….no,” she hugged Liv close to her, “...you Liv. Utah needs you and so do I...” A kiss on the top of her head ended the declaration.

“Alex...” Liv sniffled, knowing the storm of another rift was brewing. Alex cupped her hands, took the bath water in them and let it trickle over Liv’s hair.

“I know...it would never work. Someday I’ll be free of my gilded cage--”

“--and I’ll be right there to welcome you back, I swear.”

“I know...I really know...”

Both women sank into the relaxing effect of the bubble bath well past dark.

 

The week with Alex was a nearly intangible blur of perfection, cuddling and cooking. Liv didn’t want to make total sense of it. Saving fragments of this week to unravel later would allow her to revisit the pristine memories and savor them like they had never been unwrapped. She stood at her terminal gate, her tall blonde beloved looking at her with watery eyes, both of them physically struggling not to buck the conservative culture and caress each other out in the open. Liv dug her hand into her coat jacket and handed Alex a tissue.

“T-thanks..” Alex answered with a tight voice.

“Flight 147 Delta, Salt Lake city to New York city now boarding.” the intercom called out around them.

“’till next time, Liv.” Alex bravely got out until Liv’s lips crashed into hers. A moment of muffled concerned answered Liv’s lips but they quieted down and Liv felt Alex sink into her arms.

The bittersweet parting made Liv pull back and she began to cry.

“We’ll always have Utah Alex, we’ll always have us, I love you.”

Alex’s eyes shed tears that cascaded down her face, her lips scrunched up attempting to restrain a sob as she reached out and Liv felt her hold her one last time.

“I love you too...be safe.”

Liv shed her own tears.

“Always Alex, always.”

She pulled away and turned around, boarding the plane and leaving Utah behind.

 

_Always_

 

 

As she cared the large white baker’s box of donuts, Liv walked into the precinct with a smile on her face. Munch was the first to greet her, along with Fin, both men sinking their hands into the box and extracting multiple donuts.

“I see the family trip actually helped versus creating another bad memory.” Munch teased over his bits into the glazed donut he was holding.

“Yeah,” Fin added, chewing on his own donut, missing the jelly oozing down on to his hand, “must have been a good trip...welcome back.” he patted her on the shoulder and they both left her alone as Liv situated herself at her desk. She took off her jacket and sat it down on the back of the chair. A small envelope fell out of the large pocket and before Liv was able to pick it up, Elliot swung down and got it first. His nose sniffed the envelope as Liv gave him a look and held out her hand.

“Your family got a thing for lavender?” he asked as Liv failed to hold back a sigh.

“Yes, they grow it...can I have that please?”

Elliot and her exchanged the moment of silence; Liv saw his eyes skimming over her face, trying to read her like she was a perp, and she kept her mind devoid of any thoughts of Alex, as if he could actually read her thoughts. The instance of silence was broken by Cragen announcing they had a case in the Upper West Side. Elliot handed Liv the envelope as he went to get his coat. Cragen walked over to her and gave her a kind smile as he took a sip of coffee.

“How’s the welcome wagon been, not too harsh I hope?”

“They’re good, I’m going to take a moment before we head out, is that okay?”

“Sure thing, and Liv?”

“Yes?”

“Welcome home.”

 

 

Liv walked into an empty interview room and shut the door behind her. With trembling hands and the sound of her heart beat in her ears, she tore open the envelope. A small card with a satchel of lavender taped to the front of it rested in her hands.

“Alex...” she murmured to herself as she opened the card and read over the handwritten note inside.

 

_Olivia,_

_This last week with you was sacrosanct and forbidden, two of my favorite adjectives to describe us. Having you, holding you, and cherishing you made Utah a but less lonely than it has been. I already miss you as I write this the morning before your flight goes out, naturally at three in the morning, but I know that I’ll see you again one day. I have a vault of memories from this trip and our time working together to unwrap and reflect upon, even in the darkest, loneliest of times._

 

_I love you Olivia._

_Always and whether you’re there in NYC or here in my arms,_

_Take care of yourself._

 

_Love,_

_Alex._

_P.S. : Smell the lavender and I’ll be holding you._

 

A sob broke through her lips as Liv permitted herself a rare show of raw emotion.

“I’ll always have you too, Alex.” she cried as she smelled the satchel. Liv was there, and here, just as Alex was in Utah and right behind her, holding her close to her body.

 

_Always._

_Here._

 


End file.
